


are we destined to burn or will we last the night?

by noracaerena



Series: Boston [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Adam as a modern Penelope, Adam as the bro, Breaking Up & Making Up, Declan worries about Adam's balls becoming blue, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Future Fic, Jealous Ronan Lynch, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - Call Down the Hawk, Pining, Post-Break Up, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan as the hoe, Ronan had reasons
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:14:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24198052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noracaerena/pseuds/noracaerena
Summary: When Ronan Lynch left him, cold water poured down his body leaving him cold and frozen. And in his short life, Adam Parrish had collected many moments like that, yet no one matched the hurt and stupor Ronan had left behind. At first, he hoped it to be a joke, then he saw the look in his lover’s eyes and understood it wasn’t. He tried to find a lie between his words, but one thing Ronan never did was lying. The next day, he took his things and went back to his dorm room, exactly as he was roughly asked to. He swore never to return to the Barns, or near Virginia, for the rest of his life. Exhausted and broken hearted, Adam closed the door, crying himself to sleep. There was one single throbbing question in his mind.Why?-Basically 15k words of Adam pining after Ronan, adopting Declan and Matthew along the way... and viceversa.
Relationships: Declan Lynch & Adam Parrish, Declan Lynch & Matthew Lynch, Matthew Lynch & Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: Boston [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1769776
Comments: 13
Kudos: 44





	are we destined to burn or will we last the night?

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine forced me to write this...  
> Thanks to the lovely eyescllsed (on tumblr) for her editing work.  
> I hope you'll like it!
> 
> Title from "Lost" by Dermot Kennedy
> 
> *UPDATE 01/06/2020 hi^^ there will be an epilogue entirely based on Adam and Ronan soon!

When Ronan Lynch left him, cold water poured down his body leaving him cold and frozen. And in his short life, Adam Parrish had collected many moments like that, yet no one matched the hurt and stupor Ronan had left behind. At first, he hoped it to be a joke, then he saw the look in his lover’s eyes and understood it wasn’t. He tried to find a lie between his words, but one thing Ronan never did was lying. The next day, he took his things and went back to his dorm room, exactly as he was roughly asked to. He swore never to return to the Barns, or near Virginia, for the rest of his life. Exhausted and broken hearted, Adam closed the door, crying himself to sleep. There was one single throbbing question in his mind.

_Why?_

Accepting that Ronan had broken up with him was an impossible task from the start. It would have taken up so much time, much time, extra time… So he didn’t do it, not because of a lack of time but rather because it would’ve massively hurt. He lived with it: his life moved on but his heart didn’t. He pretended nothing had happened. Their break up stood up in the air, fluttered above Adam but never hit him. He avoided the storm of Ronan’s rejection that seemed as strong as the one that had washed over Adam after their first kiss.

Adam Parrish never relied too much on emotions, nor passions. His brain sufficed him enough to reach his goals. Yet, he never believed opening his heart to Ronan to be a mistake, not at all. 

Loving Ronan was the best thing that had ever happened to him. 

Every good thing that arrived in Adam’s life had been worked on, planned on, and sometimes bled on. Horrible things, on the other hand, arrived unexpectedly and for free.

Until Ronan, he was the first great thing that happened to Adam that came in the form of unwanted things, freely and unplanned.That was why it hurt more than everything else when he broke up with Adam. Ronan had left him alone; given him the world and snatched it out from Adam’s hands, leaving them empty. 

The hole in his chest was empty as well, heart missing.

Adam was tough, and had proved it many times. He had managed school while juggling three jobs, sleepless nights studying while embarking on a dead King’s quest, an abusive father that left him with hearing loss. Adam had survived a best friend’s death as well as his rebirth, another best friend’s ghostly appearances, (and disappearances.)

Magic, dreams and deaths. Sacrifice’s to a magical forest and demonic possessions, Adam had lived through it all. To top it all off, he used to live above a church in whose God he never believed in. Every time he tried to, life remembered him not to let himself be swept away from society’s dullness and leave unearthly spirits to others. God could have existed for many, not for him... His mind wasn’t illuminated by His light. 

Instead of thinking about the break-up, he tried to live a normal life, one that could fit into any other twenty-two-year-old American young man. Far from West Virginia. He lived in Cambridge, where he attended the prestigious Harvard University, and had a club called “The Adam Parrish’s crying club”. There he counted few close friends with which he really went along well and others that he couldn’t even name. Differently from the past, he didn’t need to have three jobs anymore as he had his savings from high school, as well as his college scholarships that covered what financial aid couldn’t. As a result of not having any other things to do and being used to attending to a full agenda, he enrolled in a gym and started tutoring. 

It was a way to fill up his time, and his loneliness. 

Life after Ronan was uneventful. He kept loving the dreamer, missing him, and wanting him back. That, he couldn’t deny. Adam had never been one to hide things from himself or refuse to admit the truth, so he acknowledged that he was still hung up to the dreamer. He also knew he couldn’t do anything about it, so he lived with it. What he did was to stop being the Magician, Adam decided to leave the magic out of his life: no more cards reading, no more scrying.

A normal life was led. _Uneventful, normal, human life_.

Months passed. Summer break was spent on campus as he had nowhere else to go. The grounds were deserted and the dorms silent. The dining hall was animated only during meals, thanks to the summer school attendants. 

-

One day after Adam’s morning run, he heard a bang on his door. Dazed, he rushed over only his towel and opened it, finding Matthew Lynch standing on the other side. 

Ronan’s younger brother, made from dreams, was standing outside his dorm room, tall and fair. His messy blonde curls so wild they couldn’t be tamed and his blue eyes that were impossible to miss. Strangely, his eyes didn’t match the deep blue of his older brother. Instead, Matthew’s were lighter, the colour of the sky.

He looked more like Adam’s brother than one of the Lynches. He wore his natural easy-going smiles that broke into a grin after seeing Adam. Once Adam had opened the door, his mouth had fallen on the ground and his eyes followed. He was astonished; of all people he had expected, the youngest Lynch wasn’t one of them. Speechless, he stuck his head out the door and checked the hallway to assure his guest was alone. _Indeed_ , he was. 

As Adam recoiled he took his focus back to Matthew, who was staring at him with a questioning gaze, probably having only then noted Adam’s state of undress. The older boy let the latter inside, worried something had happened. When he asked the reason for his visit, he found himself at a loss of words for the second time in a few minutes: not only had the young man had run away from his brothers, but also had become a real human as a result of detaching himself from his brother. 

And that was the reason he had come to Adam; Matthew needed the his help to learn how to be human, to be an independent man. He was tired of feeling stupid, of being clueless. His brothers had found a way to free him from his dreamt form, making him a bleeding human with a thinking mind. And yet they still treated him as if nothing had changed. At that moment, Adam thought of how many times he had wished he could swap places with Matthew. When he had lost everything he would have given anything just not to understand, to have his mind fogged, to be happily stupid. Or stupidly happy. And right then, with Matthew in front of him, he understood how ingrate and selfish he had been to wish that.

“Don’t call Declan! Please!” Matthew’s voice was pleading, accompanied by giant puppy eyes.

“They must be worrying, be reasonable Matthew. If you want to stay here, it’s fine by me, but they need to know you’re safe.” Adam couldn’t ignore the fact that both elder Lynches needed to know where their younger brother was. It was probable that they had already started searching for him, and knowing both brothers' authorities were soon to be involved. Or worse, they could already be on their way to Cambridge. That Adam feared the most: he couldn’t face Ronan. 

“No. They don’t! They still treat me like a child. Like I’m still the clueless dreamt brother, which I’m not. All my life I have wanted to be my own person, to be able to make my own choices. My life was linked to Ronan’s-if he died I did too-and the worst thing was that I didn’t even know it could happen! Now I’m free. I came to you because no one better than you knows how important it is to be free and to be self-sufficient. Please Adam, leave them out of this!” 

He was convincing enough, words chosen perfectly and each of them hit the right spot, tugging at Adam’s vulnerabilities like a perfect rhetorician. He was moved and convinced right on the spot. The Matthew in front of him wasn’t the one he used to know at all: this new version was already close to the one he wanted to become. While looking at him closely, Adam mused on how they turned the youngest Lynch into a real bleeding human, but he didn’t dare to ask because that wasn’t the moment for such a question. Also, he feared it involved the very thing he cut out of his life: magic.

“What do you want me to do then?” he asks, resigned. The Harvard student was very familiar with the feeling of wanting to succeed by himself, and Matthew went to him knowing that. So Adam let his good sense go and decided that if Declan, or Ronan, or both were to try to take Matthew away against his will, he would do anything to stop them.

“Teach me how to be you!” Matthew’s whole face lit up in a Cheshire’s cat’ smile that made Adam’s heart warm, so the older boy gave up and stepped closer to draw him into a hug. He was a man on a mission. Helping the Lynch runaway shouldn’t have been difficult, he thought. 

-

On a cold December night, Adam and Matthew were coming home from their shift at the garage. The route was short allowing them to walk home and on occasion, grab food from a Chinese take-out restaurant near their building. When they reached home, Adam noticed there was someone at their door, a tall and lean figure with dark polished hair and dressed in casual attire. Both Adam and Matthew stopped in their tracks. 

Declan Lynch had never looked more casual and disheveled in his whole life. He was always clad from head to toe with expensive and elegant clothes - almost as if he was born wearing a suit and tie - but this Declan standing by their door wore a pair of jeans, a blue tee and sneakers. He looked nervous, and had probably been there for a while.

“Declan?” Adam called. The man in question turned and finally saw them: his face set in stone. And yet, his eyes gave away more than Adam knew he would have liked. 

“Parrish! Matthew! Finally you decided to show up. I’ve been here waiting for ages!” Declan’s masque was back on sooner than expected. 

“What are you doing here?” Matthew replied, accusingly. 

“Can’t one brother visit another?” Declan said nonchalantly.

 _No_ , Adam thought, _he didn’t do anything without a precise reason._

“It’s been five months, Declan. I expected you to come to find me sooner.” 

Indeed; Matthew and Adam had waited and waited, and yet the line was dead where it stayed, until then.

“I got caught up with other things. Also, I knew you were with Parrish. It was better that way,” Declan replied. 

“What other things?” Adam pressed. He didn’t want to deal with magic and death threats: that meant dealing with the life he left behind. He’d promised to never go back to that life.

“Other things, Parrish! Let’s go inside, shall we? Let me see what you two have been up too!!”

Adam was slightly irritated. “I will only let you inside if you take off your mask and tell us the truth, even though truth is not your style!” Matthew nodded, agreeing with Adam.

He barrelled the door with his huge body. “You get in only if you tell us the truth. Adam will know if you lie!”

Declan sighed. “Okay, I will. But on my own terms, not yours.”

As they entered Adam’s apartment, Declan’s posh eyes took in his surroundings. He scanned every angle, not that it had that many. 

In all honesty, it was too tiny even for Adam’s tastes. To Declan, it must have looked like a shit hole. 

_That’s the best you can provide my brother with, Parrish?_

Shaking his head slightly, Adam diverted his thoughts from his momentarily inferiority complex. To hell what the oldest Lynch brother thought, he was simply trying to do his best.

“It’s nice,” Declan said disparagingly, in the same tone that parents used to tell their children that their drowning was beautiful even though they had pictured their dad as a three armed men and their mom as a purple hair woman. Nor that Adam knew of it, he knew that’s how it was supposed to be in healthy and loving families.

“Cut the shit, Declan. It’s a hellhole but it does the job, alright?”

“I wasn’t going to say that, but yeah, it is rather small,” came Declan’s reply. He seemed oddly offended by Adam’s snap.

Matthew jumped to Adam’s defence, not wanting the latter to get hurt. “It was the best we could find; Adam had to give up his dorm to help me. Don’t be your usual judgy self.” After all, Matthew was the reason Adam moved out from his dorm. 

Declan’s reply was fast. “I really wasn’t judging.” 

_Maybe he wasn’t. Not intentionally, anyway_. Adam admitted.

“Tell us why you’re here,” he urged, not wanting to keep stalling any longer. 

“Hell Parrish, always the pragmatist.”

Adam could see that the oldest Lynch brother was avoiding something. “You’re stalling, Declan.”

“Okay, alright!” Declan rolled his eyes, an act which was something that didn’t suit him at all. “I’m here to see you. To see how you’re doing. When Matthew left five months ago, I was so worried. But then I had a private investigator looking after him and I found out he was with you so I let him be. Hell Adam, you even got him into college! I swore I would kiss you when I first saw you again, because of that.” He said in such a spontaneous and lively way that didn’t belong to Declan Lynch. Not the one both Adam and Matthew used to know.

Yet, Adam had figured that making Matthew go to college would have pleased his oldest brother so it wasn’t difficult to understand his gratitude.

“No, thank you. Don’t do that, like ever,” Adam replied with a disgusted face . 

Declan laughed at that and the action took years off his face. For the first time he looked exactly like the twenty-four year old that he was. Sometimes, Adam tended to forget that Declan was only two years older than him.

If Adam had to be his own parent at almost eighteen having to provide for himself (at least officially), Declan had had the responsibility of not only himself but of other two people, his younger brothers. 

“Yeah, I figured.” Declan winked at him, and then it was Adam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Anyway, I didn’t come sooner: I had my hands full. Things came and went.”

“What things?”

“The usual business. You know, people wanting dad’s dream things looking for the Greywaren, threatening to kill us. Nothing new, not for me at least,” came Declan’s response.

“Bloody hell Declan! They tried to kill you?” Matthew shouted, jumping from the couch.

“Not the first time, buddy. Don’t worry, they didn’t even touch me. They were just playing a game they couldn’t win.”

“And now, is it over?” Adam asked, alerted thinking of Ronan. His heart was throbbing at the point it could be heard by his deaf ear.

“Kind of.” 

Adam knew there was something Declan was still keeping from them. “What do you mean, kind of?”

The oldest Lynch stopped for a minute to look at them, scrutinising their faces. “Ronan left. He took everything and left,” he said, after taking a deep breath. 

“ _What?_ ” Came the surprised reply from both Adam and Matthew.

“Yeah Matt, Ronan, that bastard, took everything we owned and left the States. Probably. I have no idea where he could have gone! He did it to protect us, like a fucking martyr.” Declan explained with a hint of desperation in his voice. His face open and unguarded. 

“What the fuck Declan?” Adam exclaimed, sitting down on the couch, attempting to try and recompose himself. Ronan’s name made him tremble from head to toe. 

He tried not to show it.

“Yes, you heard me. He’s a glorious hero in his mind. You know Parrish, that’s also the reason why he broke up with you months ago. He didn’t want to ruin your future: he thought you would drop college to help him. So instead, he broke your heart!” He sounded and looked incredulous even as he pronounced the words. As if at the same time he knew and ignored the story. 

Like it happens when you reread a book for the umpteenth time, you know what’s going to happen and even remember the exact words you’re going to read next, but when you do read them, they seem new and never read before and they hit you again and again and again.

“I’m gonna throw up,” Matthew said. He had clearly been in the dark the same as Adam.

“Fuck Declan, seriously? I can’t believe him: that was my damn choice to make, not his!”

“Well, don’t worry. He seems to make decisions for all of us. Not only has he left with Dad’s dreamt objects but also our funds: he took all our freaking money!” Declan had never sworn so much within an hour, which said a lot.

“He took your money?” Adam said, trying to process the onslaught of new information.

“Yes, Parrish. Unbelievable right? I have no money: not on me nor in my bank account. I had to sell my watch to come here. I mean, haven’t you seen my clothes? I’m _broke._ ” 

In retrospect, Adam had known there to be a reason behind his change of style. Thinking of Declan T. Lynch without a suit was like thinking of Ronan N. Lynch without his tank top and combat boots: impossible.

“What are you going to do now? Where is he?”

Declan scoffed. “I don’t know. Which is an answer to both of your questions. I guess I’ll have to find a job: maybe even two. Hell, I don’t know how to be poor. I don’t even have any idea of where to go!” His admission had begun a slew of panic: his usual detached and cool self had vanished, “I came here to see Matthew, I miss him. I’m alone, and I have no one anymore. I’m not even sure I have myself!” 

Adam knew that feeling all too well.

“Oh God, Dec,” said Matthew softly, hugging his older brother who was on the verge of crying. 

“You’re lucky I know how to be poor and survive. In fact, I have a Ph.D. in that. Matthew has been studying the subject for a while as well. We can teach you.” 

Sometimes, Adam had wished for someone to help him. Instead, he needed to learn to help himself. Now, he had to be that someone for Declan. Both him and Matthew.

“Yeah, you can stay with us bro!” The youngest Lynch anticipated Adam, somehow agreeing with the other’s offer. They were both keen on helping Declan, no matter what convincing excuses the oldest man had in stock for them.

“No, you’ve got a new life. I’d just be one more problem for you and Adam! Another burden.” 

“No. Matthew is right, you stay here! There isn’t much room but I’m sure in a couple of months we could find somewhere better, and well, bigger,” Adam said in response. Declan was thinking hard, the lines on his forehead so visible he looked alien. 

“What am I supposed to do while I’m here?” 

“The same thing you planned on doing somewhere else: you have to start working for a living. But here you’ll have us, and what’s ours is going to be yours as well. We’re a team, a team that survives.” Instantly, Adam knew he had convinced the man to stay by the smile that had formed on his usually blank face.

“Parrish, you sound like Gansey now.”

“Thanks, I guess.” Richard Gansey, once his best friend, was a prince; noble in both sword and heart. 

“Are you hungry? Do you need a shower? Sleep?” Matthew asked happily. He had understood his brother’s intentions too. Through their time together Adam had learned that the younger Lynch had gone from having his mind filled with fog to having it as clear as distilled water. He suspected Matthew’s IQ was higher than most.

“Don’t you have personal belongings?” Adam asked suddenly. 

“I had to sell all my stuff. But I’ve got the Volvo, a few clothes and my laptop.”

“You already have more than us!” Adam and Matthew were only in the possession of books and food, which were other kinds of fuels.

“Couldn’t let my baby go!” Declan confessed shyly.

“Of course, rich boys and their cars! C’mon, let’s get your stomach a bit of food.” The other replied amused. _Rich boys_!

“Parrish.” Declan had said his name with the solemnity of a loyal soldier, and Adam turned to listen.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you,” Declan said with sincerity. 

“Declan.” Adam’s tone resembled that of an annoyed teacher, about to scold a child.

“Yeah?”

Adam responded fiercely. “Fuck you. Don’t thank me for doing what a decent human being is supposed to do.”

After dinner, the three men settled down to sort out the arrangements regarding Declan’s stay. Adam proposed that Declan could apply for a place at the garage as well, as he knew the owners needed new workers. They talked a little more and went to bed, arguing that Adam didn’t have to sleep on the couch but the blonde knew that the two Lynches needed some alone time together. On his part, Adam needed to think about all that went down that night, especially the thought of Ronan, what he had done, and how Declan hadn’t lingered on the argument. Probably that was for the best, he didn’t know what he could have said.

One thing was sure: Ronan broke up with him to protect him and not because he didn’t love him anymore. That, somehow, was worse than every other supposition Adam had come up with in the past.

 _That meant hope_.

-

After that night, the three of them adjusted to their new life: Declan got the job at the car shop (although he had no skill or experience on cars he managed well after the first two weeks) which allowed for Matthew and Adam to keep attending classes as well as working. 

Since Declan usually came home first, working mostly during the day while the other two attended lectures, and enjoyed some time on his own. He also cooked for the three of them; Matthew and Adam were not known for their cooking skills.They worked well as a group, there was no fight nor lies, and everything was talked through. Movies and pizza night became a tradition.Matthew made them laugh with the most absurd jokes and always found the best movies, while Adam helped them at work and taught them how to live on a budget. Declan trained both, _mens sana in corpore sano_ and shit!

The worst thing about living together was the sleeping arrangements. Having only a twin bed and a couch to host three very tall, full grown adult men was not ideal, so they made rounds: every two nights one of them had to sleep on the couch while the other two were allowed the bed. Usually Declan didn’t sleep that much- he suffered from insomnia- so when he didn’t get any sleep he swapped his place on the bed with the one on the couch. This worked both ways: when Declan finally seemed to find sleep, the other two moved him to bed if he was on the couch. 

Living together meant understanding and supporting each other. 

Soon enough, Christmas arrived. The three decorated the ugliest Christmas tree ever seen, Declan had saved enough to buy small presents to Adam and Matthew. Adam had also saved enough to buy gifts, as did Matthew too. Christmas was celebrated, and then New Year’s.

Adam heard from Gansey and Blue. They were currently living in England with Cheng, after choosing to stay there while visiting Maura and Dean. Ever since Ronan left Adam his relationship with the trio wasn’t the best; Adam had always thought they preferred Ronan’s friendship over his. He felt distant and detached from them. Their loss was another to list down that weighted on Adam’s distraught. At certain points in time Adam thought that maybe it had been him to make things the way they were, but ultimately he didn’t think so. He didn’t change his behaviour towards his friends after his and Ronan’s break up, ultimately they had.

The New Year bought a new apartment and new opportunities along with it. Adam graduated with Honours in May and applied for Harvard Law School, making both roommates very proud. For the occasion Declan brought them to a fancy restaurant to celebrate. Paid by the last of his beloved expensive suits.

Thanks to Adam’s generous scholarship and their three combined salaries- which together made a good source of money- they moved into a larger house later that year. It was an old townhouse, so run down that they had to redecorate completely and buy new furniture. The three rooms, two bathrooms, spacious kitchen and a living room was a great update from their old, tiny apartment.They had a backyard as well, and a garage for Declan’s Volvo.

The property owner, hadn’t been interested in the house or its potential because he had inherited it from an old Aunt and he lived in Texas, so he just took care of renting it.Inside the garage, Adam worked on a secret project. He could only work on it when the Volvo was parked outside or Declan was out trying to find a better job. Adam’s double degree in law and engineering had made him realise how important it was for people and society to have cars that didn’t ruin their health, as well as the Earth’s future. Working as a mechanic allowed him to have a better understanding of cars and their motors, more than what books could. Working whenever he had time, Adam collected many failed experiments, but also a very successful one. An electric motor that worked with every car and relied on water’s properties to create sustainable energy.

Declan was still looking for another job that didn’t leave his hands chapped and scarred. Having dropped out of law school because of Ronan, he felt at loss. He couldn’t follow his plan set years ahead, he had to rewrite his life. 

Once Declan noticed Adam’s project, he knew that it would take them somewhere big. He always knew the younger man had potential, but this project brought it to the next level. Declan believed in Adam, just as the latter had in him several months prior. After this revelation, Declan started to follow the project and study its possibilities and future steps, as well as the risks and the invention’s competitors. Adam perfected the prototype with the help of Matthew, creating a team of skilful engineers in the process. 

That’s how their business got started: in a garage. Funnily enough, its creation confirmed recent years’ trend: billionaires start from a garage!

After some time, they moved into a small office area in the suburbs of Boston. In three short years they had moved to a new construction building in the business area of the city. Adam had insisted in the company’s name: Cabeswater Motors. 

To Adam it represented the perfect name for the company since its principal aim was getting the world greener, while also signifying a nostalgic link to his past that he didn’t want to lose. 

At Cabeswater Motors Adam had the corner office with a plate on his door saying Founder and CEO. Inside the other corner office was Declan- who had gotten accepted into Harvard Law program- who had a plate saying AD and Co-Founder. Matthew, now in grad school, didn’t have an office because of his distaste of wearing suits and talking business all day. That was more Declan’s job. 

Not even Adam dealt with the transactions and protocols: he took part in the meetings and greater decisions. Additionally, he worked with the engineering team in the creative spaces in the company. The youngest Lynch could be found working there as well: he liked working with engines more than with pens and paper. 

Cabeswater Motors took over the United States in no time. Their policy stated that every motor had to be not only environmentally friendly but also at everyone’s reach, a declaration that contrasted greatly from their competitors. It was useless to keep up the charade of wanting a better world if the company’s cars cost more than what three quarters of the population could afford. 

_Cabeswater Motors have range, from basic to luxury. Customized motors with only one component in common: sustainability!_

It worked and sold. Adam, Matthew and Declan were offered an opportunity to sell the license for an enormously large sum of money so big even Declan flinched-but they were smart. Why sell it to an outside company if you could instead share stocks and have an income for every car and motor sold? Soon the trio started to work with numerous car companies across the nation, signing contracts and assuring shares.They had found a goldmine without ever planning to.

A new apartment arrived after their third big deal, it wasn’t even close to the house they had rented after Declan moved in. This time they bought it, together, as a family. 

Matthew suggested that they keep living together since they were all currently bachelors. Adam’s lack of interest in pursuing any kind of romantic connections and Declan’s numerous on and off relationships made it easier and more convenient to keep living together. 

So they did. 

The apartment was big and had a huge kitchen with too many tools that none of them knew how to properly use. The couch was U-shaped and could fit all of them lying on each side of it, positioned right in front of a huge TV screen. Each wing of the apartment belonged to one of them. The middle one was Matthew’s. His room looked liked every bit as a college kid’s room should. Near the king-sized bed was programmer’s heaven: screens connected and a whiteboard full of mathematical formulas. The adjoining bathroom boasted a bathtub that was always filled up to the brim with all sorts of bath bombs, making it the most colourful water Adam had ever seen. The room was a messy agglomerate of books, clothes, and games.

The left-wing was Declan’s, whose room was minimal. A king bed occupied most of the space; a leather chair stood near the huge window and all sorts of books were perfectly stacked next to it. His wardrobe was the most impressive part of his room, it could have made every fashion addict jealous. Sectioned by colour and season, suits and shoes were on display and ready to be worn. His bathroom had a jacuzzi and a sound system. 

To the right was Adam’s wing. His room was as big as the other two. His king bed had a deep blue duvet while a desk decorated with plants and his iMac was situated near his window. At the foot of his bed stood a big TV and a messy stack of books and articles. The bathroom had a large shower with marble tiles and adjacent to his en suite was a wardrobe. Unlike Declan’s closet, Adam’s was normal and, especially, not organised.

Sometimes Declan forced Adam to wear one of his suits for important meetings. Not that Adam didn’t own expensive suits - Declan made sure he had bought enough of them - but his disorderly wardrobe wasn’t ready for impromptu meetings. Thus, his suits needed to be ironed out most of the time, which was inconvenient as half the time they were unaware of when important meetings could have taken place. Going into Declan’s home boutique was so much easier.

In their garage, the oldest Lynch’s Volvo had become a sort of sentimental token: a memory of how far they’d come. But next to it there were three new cars, belonging to each one of them. Declan drove a Bugatti, Adam an Aston Martin, and Matthew an Audi TT. All of them were a Cabeswater Motors’ vehicle. They didn’t even have to buy them: the cars had been presented to them from each company after the closing of their deals. Of course they had been given other cars but the three boys had decided not to keep them. Adam had thought it to be excessive, each of them driving those cars, but Declan convinced him that they had deserved it after all they had been through. Matthew, on the other hand, was more than happy to drive a sports car.

For Adam, Matthew and Declan, life seemed to be finally going in the right way for them. However, they were unaware that someone from their past was going to reappear and change their lives once again, not for the worse though. 

-

Ronan Lynch had wandered around the world for years in search of a way to protect himself from the people he loved, and those who wanted his powers. He had left his beloved home and the people he cared about the most in order to keep them safe. Ronan had caused them suffering, as well as his own. It was for all the right reasons, he insisted to himself. And yet, he wasn’t so sure anymore. 

Six years alone weighed on him more than three life spans would have. He missed his brothers like he’d miss a lung. And Adam, well, he missed him like an addict misses drugs during rehab. Without him, Ronan as if he were a planet without a star to gravitate around and keep him in place. Six years had passed, but not one second was spent without thinking of Adam, without loving him, without worrying that Adam hated him and had moved on. Of course, Ronan knew that Adam would have moved on, in six years he would have definitely found someone. He may have even gotten married and settled down, had children. Adam moving on was something that Ronan did not want to think about, ever. 

After six years on the run, it was finally over: the hunters that wanted him and his powers all gone. He was finally ready to go home. Ready, more or less, to find out what his loved ones had made of their lives. Ready to find out the truth and deal with it.

Boston was colder than he remembered. Gansey had told him that Adam, Declan, and Matthew lived there now. He had used to write letters to Gansey - nothing that could be tracked down - which Ronan detailed to his best friend that he was still alive and kicking. In those letters he asked about how things were in the land of the not on the run people. His friend still had one of Henry’s RoboBees - although no one knew about them. Even Ronan had thought they all were lost. The RoboBees could track him down to wherever he was and send letters. Gansey had promised not to tell anybody about the letters, not even Blue. He’d kept his word, or at least Ronan thought so. Ronan had also asked Gansey not to tell him too much about the others, only if they were alive and kicking too, which Gansey had respected.

In his last letter, he wrote he was free and ready to go home, although he didn’t know where home was. Where did Adam live? What about his brothers?

He was surprised to find out they all lived together in Boston. For a moment he was scared that Declan and Adam had fallen in love. As absurd as it seemed- to him as well as anybody else - Ronan admitted that Declan looked a lot like him. The two men were pretty similar in character, and both admired each other. Also, his brother had always dated blondes; a category that Adam fit into. He was... a blonde man. Was Declan even bisexual? Was Declan the one with whom Adam had moved on with? Were they playing happy families behind his back? 

No, Ronan decided. No way. There had to be another explanation. He damned himself for not having asked Gansey as to why Adam lived with his brothers, or what they did in Boston. Adam would have finished law school by now and Matthew supposedly lived with him, had probably finished college as well. But what about Declan? Ronan had left him without money. Did he go to them for help? 

_Definitely not_ , Ronan concluded eventually. It wasn’t like Declan to ask for help. His brother was too stubborn and proud to do such a thing. And yet, he was in Boston and lived with Matthew, and Adam.

_God, not my brother. Please. Not Declan._

The address Gansey had given him bought Ronan to an impressive modern building situated in the richest part of Boston. It was a giant, shining tower of glass that looked so high it might as well have had God as the last floor’s resident. 

At the entrance the doorman looked at him with a puzzled expression, probably mistaking Ronan for Declan. He wanted to stop and tell him to fuck off because only a dumbfuck would have mistaken the two brothers. However, he didn’t because he knew he would have been sent away from the building as a result.

Gansey hadn’t specified the floor of the apartment that Matthew, Adam and Declan lived on because he himself had never been there. Ronan decided to see if the mailboxes had names on it associated with the resident’s floor number. Luckily it did, and Ronan found out that there was indeed a God living on the last floor. 

Rich people buildings had only lifts and no locked doors so, either for an unwritten honour code or for presumption, so he got inside sans problems arriving at the foyer and entering the apartment. 

Said apartment had Declan written all over it: modern, luxurious and minimal.

_Shit._

Adam lived there. What did they do with their days? Were they snobby lawyers? What if Adam had changed completely? Ronan sat on the huge u-shaped sofa and waited.

He was the one who had left the others hanging, and it was only while waiting, not even for a few minutes, that he realised just how shitty his decision was. It was agonising. 

-

Matthew had just endured one of the shittiest days he’d had in a while. One of his professors hated him, he was sure of that. His essay on quantum physics had been marked in a harsh red line and a C- sat on top of it. The essay was at least a B worth, Matthew thought. However, for his professor it wasn’t. Then, his football coach had told him he had potential to become a professional player and got angry when Matthew told him he wasn’t keen on becoming one. On top of that, his date, a lovely girl named Grace, had proved him wrong and turned out to be not as lovely as he had once thought. All he wanted was to get home and dive inside his bed.

Once there the doorman, Maurice, told Matthew that Declan was already home. He was bewildered by it: Declan was never home this early if he could help it. He was never alone, him and Adam usually came back home together. He hurried inside the lift to see what had brought his brother home so early.

Matthew called out to Declan and made his way out of the lift, dropping his belonging and shoes at the door on his way in. 

That’s when he saw a ghost. Or what might as well be a ghost to him: his middle brother. 

Ronan.

“ _What the holy fuck?_ ”

“Matthew!”

“Ronan! Are you here for real? Is that you?” 

While both men had changed, it was Ronan who looked more different. His body had gotten leaner and somehow more muscular. His hair was longer than Matthew remembered it; not long enough to see his curls but neither scalp shade. His tattoo didn’t peak from his shirt any longer. 

_Did he remove it?_ Matthew wondered.

“It really is me. Holy Jesus, you’ve grown up!”

“Well, it’s been six years. Six fucking years."

“I know. I’m sorry, Matthew. I truly am."

“Why, Ronan? Why did you leave us? We would have helped you!”

“I know. That’s why I did it!”

“Like hell, Ronan. Declan said you had this whole martyrdom plan, but it really wasn’t the wisest choice. Man, we’ve been so worried. Also, the shitty move of leaving us without a penny? Really Ronan?”

“Yeah, it was a shitty move. I could have left the money in a fucking bag. I thought that they could have found you because of it. I had to disappear, and so did the money. But look where you live, it doesn’t seem like you needed it that bad. This place looks like a fucking boutique for rich assholes!”

“That’s what we are. I mean, Adam and Declan are rich assholes. I’m like their baby, I’m a sponger. But it wasn’t like that in the beginning. We had to start, literally, from the bottom!”

“They’re rich? How?”

“Damn bro, don’t you read the news, or I don’t know, watch TV? Don’t tell me you still don’t use your phone?”

“I don’t have a phone. Matthew, I was on the run, I couldn’t afford to have a phone. They would have tracked me down in an instant. Also, it’s not like I had time either. Why the fuck would Adam and Declan be on the news?”

“Ever heard of Cabeswater Motors?”

“Cabeswater Motors? What the fuck, Matthew?”

So the youngest Lynch explained while the middle one listened. The latter was astonished by what he learned about his brother and former lover’s business. They were on the news because they had fucking saved the fucking whole world from gas release pollution. They had given every fucking person of every fucking class a fucking environmentally friendly car. 

They were kings of zero gas release motors.

Hence the big ass apartment with a damn doorman at the entrance of the building.

Suddenly, something else struck Ronan: Adam had made those motors, and he wasn’t there to see him. Ronan hadn’t helped him, nor supported him throughout the whole process. He hadn’t kissed him senselessly after that first deal. Or held his hand while looking at his bank account increasing exponentially. Nor they bought their first apartment together. He hadn’t been there. But Declan had. 

Jealousy overwhelmed him again. 

“Matthew, I’m going to ask you something and I need you to tell me the truth. No matter how hard it is. Are they together?”

“They who?”

“C’mon buddy, don’t mess around! You know who I mean.”

“No, I don’t Ronan! I’m not dumb anymore, but right now I must be, because I’m failing to understand!”

“Declan and Parrish!”

“ _What?_ Oh my God, Ronan, did you become the dumb one?”

“They live together in an apartment that has Declan written all over it. They work together, every day. If they’re not dating, they’re for sure joined at the hip."

“Ronan, I think you should drop this nonsense. I live there, too. Then what are we by your elaborate logic? A threesome? With my own brother? No thanks. Not to mention that Adam is my brother as well!”

“I just don’t understand!”

“Well, I cannot make you understand. You weren’t there, you can’t begin to comprehend what we’ve been through. We lived in a tiny-ass apartment with a bed so small I still have pains of a damn elbow stuck in my side. We established rounds so no one had to sleep on the damn couch for more than two nights a week. We broke our hands at a mechanic’s shop while attending school! No wonder you can’t understand, Ronan!”

Ronan bowed his head. Matthew had never shouted at him, he had always looked at Ronan as if he hung the moon. Not anymore. Matthew, Adam and Declan had gone through all that stuff and Ronan didn’t know about any of it. He felt guilty and dirty, somehow. He didn’t belong with the people he loved the most anymore, and that hurt. 

Ronan felt sick.

-

Adam was feeling sick. He probably had a bug, or maybe the Chinese Declan had gotten him for lunch had some strange effects on his stomach. Either way, he needed to go home and take something to make his nausea go away. Maybe lie down on his bed. Oh, how he loved his bed.

“Adam! Parrish, are you ok?” Adam was shaken out from his thoughts by Declan’s arrival. His face must have been one of someone in pain judging from the other’s question.

“Hey, Declan! No, I think the Chinese I had for lunch is having side effects on me. Either it wasn’t top quality or you put something in it to poison me? Did you Lynch?”

“Oh no, you caught me! To think I had a whole scheme planned out. Now, it's all gone to hell.”

“Yep, I’m sorry. I’m sure it was evil! Maybe next time though.”

“I’ll be discrete next time!”

“Sure. I wanna go home, though. Can I?”

“You’re asking me? Go home, boss! Take a nap, you’ll feel better!”

“But I’ll look like the asshole boss who makes other workers do their job.”

“Finally, he admits he’s a tyrant! Nothing new for me, I knew you were an asshole from the start.”

“When did you get so funny? Before or after brain surgery?”

“During.” Declan said.

“Okay, enough! Since Your Majesty has excused me, I’ll go home. Tell Margot that I’m taking a half-day, and that you’re in charge!” He closed his laptop and took his jacket.

“Let me understand this, Parrish. You’re asking me to tell your secretary you’re going home? What did you take me for? A receptionist?”

“No, the Head of the Secretaries, of course!” Adam said winking.

“I’d tell you what kind of head you are, but you would sue me for insulting my boss!”

“I’d do that, yes. Bye Declan, darling, what a magnificent secretary you are!” Blowing him a kiss, he made his way out of his office.

“Fuck you, Parrish! I hope that Chinese hits you hard once you get home." Declan replied flipping him the bird off.

“Don’t worry, I’ll use your bathroom!”

“I hate you!"

Adam laughed and went home.

Declan, left alone at the office, was still amused by his exchange with Adam. The latter had become something akin to a brother in the past six years. When Declan’s real brother had left he thought he’d lost him forever. But once Declan’s relationship with Adam happened, Declan had a family once again. Funnily enough, an abused child whose family had taught him only pain and distrust had been the one to bring the two Lynch brothers together. Not only that, Adam had been the one who had taught them to work hard and how to survive. Declan was positive that without Adam they would have never made it. At least, not to where they were now. 

Right on the top of the world.

He often, if not too often, thought about his brother, Ronan. _What had happened to him? Was he well? Alive?_ Hell, at first Declan had been angry, furious even, at him. Especially after finding out that he had taken money away from him and Matthew. Then, month after month, year after year, Declan had begun to worry. He had looked after his brothers since the age of seventeen and had never stopped. When Matthew had gone to Adam, Declan had been so preoccupied with Ronan and their father’s dream nonsense that he had let go of his younger brother. He was sure that Adam would have taken care of him, which he did. 

Adam had also taken Declan in, taken care of him, right after Ronan had disappeared. Adam had never asked for anything in return, except for a family. That’s what they were: a family. 

_Three brothers._

Declan wasn’t the best at relationships, romantic ones especially, but he found out that he was good at having brothers. At making them happy. He’d take a bullet for them both, Adam and Matthew. He would have taken one for this middle brother, in the past. Despite the state of their relationship, whether that be good or bad. They were family after all! But right now, Declan wasn’t sure on what to do with him if they’d ever see each other again. 

Six years of nothing. They’d looked for him, both Declan and Adam.The latter never spoke about Ronan, but Declan knew better. He saw the way that Adam zoned out every time Ronan came into discussion. At first it was accidental, but after a while both Lynches decided to cut their middle brother from their stories. It hurt Adam, and they didn’t want that. 

Declan didn’t know what it meant to love like that. He was sure he never had, and possibly never would. He was even more positive that he never wanted a love like what Ronan and Adam had. Adam deserved better. Declan had tried to lure him to go out with him and find someone to date, he proposed double dates or to try to date in general. But Adam had never seemed interested. Declan tried to imagine himself without sex for six long years, imagine not touching a woman. His balls would have become blue and then fallen from his body. 

Declan didn’t understand Adam: he was smart, rich, and handsome. He could have had every woman or man on the planet, yet he was stuck on the memory of his dumbfuck brother. His wayward brother. Staring out at the city line outside of his window, Declan whispered, “Ronan, where the hell are you?”

-

Home. Adam finally had made it home. His stomach hurt so much he swore he was never to eat Chinese again. He passed Maurice who greeted him and took the lift, hoping his apartment had been moved to the first floor, and not still on the last. It was longest elevator ride, and had proved him relativity really existed: what normally took him two minutes seemed two hours that day. _He really desired a stomach pill and his bed!_

The lift doors opened and he almost tripped on Matthew’s backpack. _The hell?_

The younger man had never left his belongings in the entrance. Adam took off his shoes and headed towards his room, calling out Matthew’s name to greet him. But as he turned the angle to pass through the living room, Adam was met with a demon straight from his dreams. Or his nightmares’ angel. Either he was out of place in both.

“Adam, you’re home early,” Matthew said. Adam could tell he was trying to stall. Probably to break the ice that had suddenly descended into the room.

Ronan stood in front of Adam, who was incapable of moving. It was as if both of them had been shot by Medusa’s eyes. 

“Parrish," Ronan said softly. It came out as a whisper. 

“Is it you? Are you actually here?” said Adam, and then to Matthew; “Do you see him, too?” He looked insane, eyes open wide, mouth gaping.

“Yes, Adam. He’s here. He was here when I arrived." Matthew explained apprehensively.

“Shit. For a moment I thought Declan’s Chinese lunch was giving me more than just a stomach bug.”

“You’re feeling sick? Is that why you’re here so soon?” Matthew asked apprehensively. 

“Yeah,” Adam replied forgetting about his stomach at all. Then, to Ronan said, “What are you doing here? How did you find us? Where have you _been_?” Nothing made sense anymore, his head was all over the place.

“Around the world, hiding mostly, then finally trying to find my way back to you! I came back. For good. Gansey gave me the address.” Then he paused, moving near Adam but keeping himself at distance not sure what the other could think or do. 

Breathing out, he solemnly stated, “I love you, Adam, I never stopped, and I never will! Every day I survived was because of you. The idea of seeing you again was the only thing that has kept me alive. Please, forgive me!”

Adam hummed with relief, at the same time he felt suddenly overwhelmed. After six long years here was Ronan in flesh and blood professing his love. 

Adam stood there for another half-second, undecided on what to do. Forgoing his aching stomach and ignoring his brain’s protests, he moved forward and hugged the love of his life, hard, as if his own life depended on it. As he inhaled Ronan’s scent Adam remembered how it felt to breathe normally again.

Adam was _home_.

-

Declan was finally home. After a long day at the office, he entered his apartment building, greeting Maurice - who shot him the foulest look that Declan returned - and entered the lift. 

_What the hell?_

Thank goodness the elevator was one of the fastest ones on the market; the doors opened showing his apartment after two short minutes spent on thinking of the foul look he had just received. 

While taking his shoes off, Declan tripped on Matthew’s _damn_ things. He was going to have to tell Matthew, again, to never leave his school stuff there, but he surely wasn’t going to tell him that he almost lost a tooth while entering his home.

He heard voices, which made sense: both of his brothers were home and Adam was probably feeling better, since he was in the living room. Declan hoped he really didn’t puke in his bathroom, _that fucker_.

Declan stopped in his tracks when, as he was greeting Adam and Matthew, he saw his estranged bastard brother, who was soon to be dead by his own hands.

“Well, this is a surprise! Did you finish the money, or you’re giving us your last goodbye before dying?” Pure venom came out of him mouth.

“Declan.” Adam warned, already anticipating Declan’s reaction.

“Oh no wait, I’ve got a better one: you’re here because you’ve got a death wish."

“None of the above." Ronan said with resolution.

“I’m gonna kill you anyway!”

With that, Declan attacked Ronan and the two started to fight. Punches and kicks were thrown until Adam and Matthew separated the two.

“Stop it! What are we, students back at Aglionby?” Declan, bloody hell, really?” Adam shot the older man a foul look.

“Are you siding with him now? After all he’s done?" Replied the man blinking at him.

“No, no, no! I won’t take part in the childish antics you’ve been portraying since you were teens. We’re adults and we behave as such!”

“Is he an adult now?” Mockingly replied Declan. Not looking at his brother, eyes fixed on Adam.

“I am, Declan.” Ronan intervened once again making his older brother turn in his direction.

“Yeah, I see. Great improvement going from Dicklan to Declan." 

“Ok, enough. Ronan, tell Declan what you’ve told us and don’t provoke him. Declan, listen to him and don’t comment.” Adam put an end to a banter that otherwise would have portrayed forever.

“Fine." Both brother said resigned.

Ronan did as he’d been told to. He reported Declan what he had told Adam and Matthew after the former had ended their hug. They had sat down, just like they were now, and he explained them everything.

Repeating the story a second time was even more difficult than the first. He had been followed and threatened to death by a group of hunters that had been after their father as well, even before Greenmantle. They had started tormenting him and threatening him during Adam’s sophomore year at Harvard, and had soon become more and more dangerous. Declan already knew some parts of the story, and yet Ronan had hidden all he could. After letting Adam go, he had to let Matthew and Declan go as well.

The hunters were getting to them and Ronan knew that soon his family would have gotten hurt. He had promised himself to never let anybody touch his most loved ones so, which resulted in his disappearance. He’d taken the money so his brothers couldn’t have been tracked down. To protect his family, Ronan had made it look as if his brothers and Adam had died. He explained how he had to clear every trace of their family and he even had to remove his tattoo not to be recognized. 

Then he had run away and found other dreamers with whom to ally with and kill the vile group of hunters that wanted them for their ludicrous purposes. Luckily Ronan and the other dreamers he’d met managed, after a dozen different plans that had gone wrong, to kill each and every person of the group members and eradicate any proof of the dreamer's existence. Ronan and those similar to him were finally free. The six year odyssey had finally ended.

Declan looked at Ronan blankly, while Adam and Matthew held understanding gazes, however the oldest Lynch didn’t seem to be touched by the story. Declan and Adam exchanged a silent conversation, of which Ronan felt very jealous. Their relationship appeared stronger than he’d ever imagined.

“So what now?” Declan asked in a flat tone.

“What do you mean?” Ronan replied shocked. 

“What are you going to do now?” 

Neither Adam nor Matthew had asked him that, his speech had lasted longer the first time he made it and both blondes had made other questions such as _did you get hurt? Where did you go? Did you meet many dreamers? How did you manage to kill the hunters?_ None of them had been about his current plans.

“I’m back for good.” Plain simple statement. Nothing behind his words.

“Okay, so you’re going back to the Barns I suppose?” Declan prompted, he wanted a plan, an precise answer. What Ronan had given him wasn’t enough.

Adam shot his eyes open as if something had hit him suddenly. Then he looked at Ronan, waiting for his answer as well. 

_What now?_ He felt stupid for thinking everything was going to be fine. Ronan was his missing piece, with him back his life would reach perfection. But the more he reflected on the situation, on the real one, he was utterly devastated by the revelation. Adam couldn’t cage Ronan in his bedroom while he kept living his life. He couldn’t just think that having his lover back meant Ronan would have lived the life Adam had chosen. 

“Actually, I don’t know. I just wanted to come here first, to see you, to tell the truth! To see Adam” he said the last part with his eyes glued to Adam’s. There the latter saw love, adoration and ache. Feelings that were easy to detect for Adam as his own eyes mirrored Ronan's. 

“Perfect! Now you’ve done all of that, you can go back to your beloved farm!” Declan broke the enchantment with cold cynicism. 

“Declan,” Matthew shouted.

“What? Do you expect me to ask him to stay here? To do what exactly? We’ve got our life and he’s got his.”

Ronan was felt the words punching him harder than an actual punch would have, because his brother was right. Ronan didn’t know what he was expecting: Declan, Matthew and Adam had moved on without him. He had left and they had filled up the hole that his absence had left. Declan didn’t want him there, but what about the others? Matthew had his head bowed, and Ronan wasn’t sure what it meant. Hell, he didn’t even _know_ them anymore!

He dared to look over his shoulder at Adam, who’s expression was pensive. One of his hands covered his mouth; a classic Adam Parrish thinking pose. At least that hadn’t changed. 

Adam snapped out of his trance and stood up. “What do you want, Ronan?”

“Really, Parrish?” Declan was behaving as an hurt lover, and Adam felt as if he was being accused of cheating.

“Yes, Declan. I’m asking him what he wants!” Adam needed to be the reasonable one, even thought he couldn’t be completely objective when it came to Ronan.

_How can somebody be impartial and choose right over the love of their life? You can’t! It’s the love of your life, your soulmate._

“What could he want? He wants the Barns and you! That’s what he wants. Do you think he'll renounce his fucking farm? He’ll go back and forth until he lures you in back to fucking Virginia.” _Every. Single. Word. Hit. Adam. In. His. Guts._

“My goodness Declan, really? You think I’d drop everything we’ve worked for just like that?" Adam lost it then he felt unfairly accused. From his peripheral view he could see that Ronan was ferocious at this point. Yet, he didn’t dare to move his body where it was. Adam, surprised by this new behaviour, didn’t know what was restraining him from not attacking his older brother once again. Ronan Lynch had changed and Adam Parrish had not witnessed the process leading him to. He was seeing the results. 

_That was another wound in his heart._

“Oh please, Adam. I know you, you love him. You never stopped and probably never will.” Now it was him feeling cheated on by Declan: all those years without acknowledging his feelings out loud and here they were suddenly on display for everyone to see. Not only, every time the older man had asked to go out, to move on, he’d done it knowing Adam loved his brother. _In spite of that_. 

As if you can love someone that way and ignore it. 

Love for Adam was not a body, a presence, an heat. Love was a person, one person. The person that becomes the centre of your whole universe. And there can be only one love like that in your life, as there can be only one planet to rotate around for a satellite. When there are more than one it means changing what you are, your nature. A satellite becomes an asteroid, that crashes on whatever planet their trajectory follows and stops there, dying. 

“This doesn’t mean I’ll run away with him in Virginia.” Breaking out of his thoughts, Adam countered Declan. But the older one had more arguments to strike him with.

“Not at first maybe. He’s a bully; he’s spoiled, he always gets what he wants. The second he decides long distance isn’t enough you’ll turn into his Trophy Wife, hidden inside the Barns. Sorry if I don’t want this life for you! I’m trying to protect you, Adam.” Declan’s nature, even if he denied it, was to protect. He shielded people, the ones he cared about. That counted two people only at the moment: Adam and Matthew.

Ronan still enraged, even more by his brothers words, shouted “You fucking bastard! Is that what you think of me? You think I’d take him away against his will? Are you fucking out of your mind? You know what I think? I think you’re afraid of losing him! You’ve had this whole inferiority complex since we were kids. I was Dad’s favourite and now you’re afraid I’m gonna take Adam away from you. From this little family you’ve created. Did you fucking fall in love with my boyfriend, Declan?” 

_Oh, Ronan_!

Both Declan and Adam snapped up their heads in shock, “What?” they said in unison.

“Oh Lord, there he goes again!” Matthew said, pointing a finger towards Ronan. “Ronan thinks you’re together!” he explained. 

“What the actual fuck, Lynch?” It was Adam’s turn to get mad. As if lightnings were coming out from his head, he saw Ronan’s reaction to his rage. He was almost scared from his outburst, electrictricity had struck him making him come to his senses and realising the massive crap that had just come out from his mouth.

“I- I didn’t know what to think, you fucking live together! You have conversations with your eyes like a fucking married couple. You-” Ronan trailed off. 

Adam stepped forward, anger made his way to disappointment, and said “Okay, okay. Stop right here! I won’t listen to this any further. I’ve had enough- I’m going to bed.” Tired and defeated he nodded between the two, “You guys can work this shit out, or don’t, see if I care! Declan, I’m taking tomorrow off, you know what to do. You’re right, I’d do anything for him because I still love him, and you know what? I never stopped. So thank you for talking sense into me.” 

Then Adam got closer to Ronan, he looked at him truthfully, resigned. Taking a long breath, he closed his eyes and reopened them posing his gaze right at Ronan’s level, he said “I don’t know what you want from your life from now on, and you probably don’t either. But I do know one thing: if you stay you have to respect us, all three of us. No more bullshit. This one is the last chance you’re ever gonna get; the moment you leave this apartment it’s final. No going back! I’ve left the door open for six years, and I won’t anymore.I can’t keep living like this,” mouth quivering he kept talking, “If you take me you get the whole package, not just Matthew but Declan as well. And you need to accept that he’s my best friend, my brother and I love him!” Declan was silent, his face couldn’t contain his surprise at the open declaration. They knew they loved each other as brothers but never admitted that out loud. 

“Ehi! What about me?” Matthew cleverly eased the tension with few words.

“You too, Matty!” He smiled at the youngest Lynch who beamed at him. 

Then Adam took his attention back to his lover, “And I love you, Ronan. I do. I’m in love with you. I’m pretty sure I’d never feel like this for anybody else, ever.” Ronan’s tears were invading his eyes, not falling yet but making him impossible to see Adam’s face clearly. 

His heart trumped against his chest. “But six years is a lot, and I tried to imagine how it could have gone if you came back. Sometimes I punched you until you bled, sometimes I’d tell you I hated you, sometimes I just kissed you senselessly, but most of the time I simply promised myself to make you pay. To take revenge on you, make you suffer as much I had!” Adam stopped again and took a sharp inhale, he was regretting saying the last words, but he had to let everything out. Come clear.

“But I’ve realised none of that mattered, no matter how many times I’d shut you out, not one of them would have been true. I never hated you. I spent days just waiting for you to come back, to finally kiss you, hold you, have you by my side. Now you’re here and all I can think of is that I love you and nothing else matters.” They were both crying then. 

But Adam wasn’t finished, “For this precise reason, I also need to listen to Declan, to be rational, because he’s right: I’d follow you anywhere as to not to lose you again. I’d put you first and that is something I cannot do, not when I can’t trust you. Not when I’ve lost six years of a life of you and me.”

Truth hurt. Truth felt like going out naked. Truth was your heart in the hands of another. Once said it could go into different ways but none could be decided by you.

“Adam.” Ronan broken voice could barely be heard, Adam only saw his mouth moving.

“No, let me finish. I’ve told you how I feel, my fears, and my rules. You now decide, think about it,long and hard, and let me know when you’ve made your choice. Remember no more mistakes, this is your last shot! Goodnight.” With that he swept his tears, recoiled and left the room. Closing every opportunity for the others to speak.

The three Lynch brothers, who watched him walk out of the room with glassy eyes and certain, firm steps, were left speechless. Every one of them thought the same thing while witnessing the scene: _What a marvellous creature Adam Parrish was._

Declan, still shocked, spoke after a while, “You can sleep on the couch, if I catch you trying to go to his room I’ll cut your dick, clear?” He was dead serious about the least part, so Ronan nodded, defeated. 

“You don’t deserve him, nor Matthew. I’d add myself but I know where your feelings about me stand.” His older brother said.

“Oh, I know where your feelings about me stand too. But I agree with you for once: I don’t deserve them.” The middle Lynch retorted. 

And before one of them could start another banter, the youngest one spoke out.

“I think you should think long and hard about what you really want. If you want to live here, forget the Barns. You cannot play boyfriends forever, at some point you need stability. You cannot break his heart again, bro. I mean, I love you, you’re my brother, but when it comes to Adam, you’re the hoe!” Matthew ended jokingly winking at Ronan, his tactic worked because it made his brother smile.

“Thanks Matt!” Said ironically, then went serious, “I don't’ want to break his heart again."

“It didn’t seem so when you accused him of sleeping with me. That was low even coming from you!” Declan chimed in, threatening a clash once again.

“It was.” Ronan, unexpectedly, agreed with him extinguishing the flame instead of alimenting it.

“Alright, why don’t we eat something and then go to bed? Ronan do you need a shower? The guest bathroom is over there, you can take my PJ's if you want." Matthew proposed changing subject.

“I’ll order Chinese!” Declan saind in a flat tone, already picking up his phone, then he stopped “Wait, Adam was feeling sick because of it. Did he end up taking something for the pain?” He said, realising he’d completely forgotten Adam’s stomach pains.

“No,” his little brother explained. “Ronan was already here when he arrived and probably forgot about his stomach. I think it’d be better if we go to sleep already." 

“Yeah, let’s forget dinner. Shit, do we have stomach pills for Adam?” Declan threw his phone on the kitchen counter and went to find some medicine for Adam.

He took the pills and a glass of water and brought them over Adam’s room. They didn’t exchange words, both they had too much to say and too little words to use. But the older man patted the blonde’s head and kissed his forehead like he sometimes did with Matthew. It was an affectionate gesture that didn’t belong to neither of them, yet that moment it was the only way to express solidarity from Declan. Adam needed comfort, and that was the only way Declan could give it to him. After, the older man closed the door and went to his room. 

_What a day!_

The eerie feeling that he had before arriving home had given its place to anger and ire. His brother was a son of a bitch. And yet, Adam had proven him right about what he had mused that afternoon: a love like Adam and Ronan’s cannot die even under the pressure of a million nuclear bombs. Another thing Declan was sure of: this time he would protect his family - Adam and Matthew - no matter what. No matter the cost. He drew his curtains closed and went to bed, taking a sleeping pill. He had decided that was a night for a deep and dreamless sleep.

-

Ronan, showered and in PJ's, laid on the couch. Tonight wasn’t a night for sleeping; he was awake in the room’s darkness. His mind traveled at lighting speed and his heart threatened to explode. The dreamer couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact he was just a few steps away from Adam. After six long years they were under the same roof. Hell, Adam still loved him, had waited for him. He was ready to start again. All he asked was for him to live in Boston, here in this apartment with his favourite brother, and Declan. _Could it be that difficult?_

His mind went back to his older brother, if Declan protecting Adam had been a shock at first, it made him proud the more he thought about it. Pleased that somebody, besides himself, protected Adam. Not that he needed a knight in shining armour; Adam had proved to everybody that he was strong and capable of doing anything. But he had been alone his whole life, with nobody to have his back. Everyone who Adam once had - Ronan, Gansey, Blue, and even Cheng - ultimately abandoned him. Declan, despite his tendencies for being an asshole, was a _Mama Bear_. Once under his wing you were an object of his protection. 

Only Ronan was immune to that treatment, which was fine by him.

He thought about Adam’s conditions. _No more mistakes_ , he had said. Mistakes can be made so easily, without putting any effort into it, and yet Ronan knew he wasn’t talking about any of the usual, everyday mistakes. Adam was referring to making decisions on behalf of everyone, referring to his omission of the truth. Hopefully, as Ronan no longer had anything to hide, it wouldn’t be a problem. 

But the hardest condition for Ronan was no more leaving. He loved the Barns, and he missed. It was his home. But Ronan knew he couldn’t ask Adam to drop everything and go with him. What would Adam even _do_ there? _Oh, be his trophy wife_ , Declan had said.

As much as Ronan hated admitting that his brother was right, what would Adam have done at the Barns? What would he have done in fucking Boston? He didn’t know. Ronan had sacrificed six years of his life running away, was he ready to sacrifice more? Was staying by Adam’s side a sacrifice? Would _he_ become the trophy wife? Coming here Ronan didn’t think it would have been so hard. He didn’t think he would have to make these choices so soon. His life had just stopped being unstable. 

_What now?_

Ronan knew one thing for sure: he loved Adam more than everything else in the whole damn universe. For that reason, he would do anything to be by his side for the rest of their lives. _That’s the starting point,_ Ronan thought. The rest could wait.

-

Adam thought he could wait, but he couldn't. His bed that night felt less inviting and comforting than he remembered. He had replayed Ronan’s words over and over; he had studied them, analysed them word by word. Movement by movement, look by look. He tried to memorise his face as well, his body. He still looked the same, and yet he was so different. Adam couldn’t say exactly what was that gave him that sensation. It wasn’t just his slightly longer hair, not the missing tattoo - which was an horrible news for him. He was certain he’d loved that tattoo as much as its owner. 

Ronan had grown up, he had stories to tell that didn’t involve him… That hurt, because Adam would have helped Ronan, he would have shared them with him.

_Ronan had gone through hell and back, while he’d been in a safe luxurious crib._

Adam would have lied if he said he hadn’t thought to go into the living room, to see if the dreamer was still there. It was all he could think about, turning and turning in his bed. Few times he made to stand up and check on him. _Damn_ , Adam missed him like a lung. Knowing that Ronan was there, that he could finally do something about it, was killing him. So, he chose not to die. _Not tonight!_

He got up from the bed and marched his way towards the couch with no hesitation. He looked at Ronan sprawled on the couch and stilled for a second to admire him. 

_Hell, he was really there!_

Ronan pushed himself up from the couch and surprised to see Adam before him, with his eyes wide open he asked tentatively “Adam?”

“Come to bed, will you?” The one in question said with resolution, gaze never leaving the other’s.

“In your room?” Ronan was fully agape.

“That’s usually where my bed is." 

“But Declan told me not to.” Was what he replied and Adam let out an amused hum. 

“Since when - okay, if Declan said so I guess I’ll go back to my room!" He gave in, exasperated by Ronan’s lack of cooperation.

“No, wait. Are you sure?” Hastily, Ronan moved from the couch almost tripping while doing so. He couldn’t let Adam go back to his room. 

“I wouldn’t have asked.”

“Okay, okay." It looked more like Ronan was doing the favour rather than the contrary. But Adam understood his amazement and confusion. Ronan didn’t know how to behave in that moment. He didn’t know what was right and what wasn’t. If he had to restrain himself or not. Adam actually felt the same, whatever they had right then was new.

Soon Ronan was following him inside the room, but he just stood there while the other closed the door. Even as Adam made for the bed Ronan was immobile, unsure of what to do. 

“Are you just gonna stand there?” 

“Yes. Uh-I mean no.” _He was cute_ , Adam thought.

Ronan hurried to collapse on the bed beside Adam and tried not to move much. He tried not to touch him: he didn’t know if he was allowed to. He turned to see that Adam was looking at him. His eyes mirrored his heart, there was no hate, no grudge, only love and happiness.

A restless soul made still once again.

“Are you real?” A whisper touched his face, caressing it.

“I believe that’s my line, Parrish." He half-smiled.

“Is it now?” 

“Yeah, also I should ask you that. Are you?” _Was him? Was it real? All those love coming out of him, was it still possible?_ Ronan had to agree it was, after all he felt the same. 

“Mhmm, I think so.” Adam replied, never letting his eyes go.

“I think so too.” Silence filled the room, both uncertain on what to say. Then Adam sighed and turned his head up and away from his.

“Goodnight Ronan. Let’s hope Declan won’t find you."

“Night. Fucking right, he threatened to cut my dick if he found me here.” Feeling easiness, Ronan replied.

“Wait, you came here knowing that?” Adam jerked his head toward him in a swift move.

“Yeah." 

“Go back on the couch.” Adam hurried, he was smiling then. 

“Nope, I fell in temptation. Cannot go back.” Ronan replied, not making sign to move.

Adam nodded then and raising his eyebrow said, “I guess you’ll have to live without the better part of you.”

“Haha, very funny Parrish. But that’s not the better part of me.” He replied to his lover, both were lying on their sides facing each other. Both of them twinkling.

“Really, and what’s that? I swear if you’re going to say what I think you are, I’m gonna appreciate Declan’s move.” Adam said balefully. Ronan laughed then, loudly and openly. His whole face grinning, Adam’s mirrored him then closed his eyes.

“Adam?” Ronan prompted. He wanted to make sure his love and devotion was clear to the other. That Adam knew it: nothing had changed.

“Mhmm?" The other replied, not moving. Patiently waiting for Ronan to continue.

“I’m sorry.” He was, Ronan was deeply sorry for too many things. So many he couldn’t even list half of them without forgetting the other half. 

“Mhmm." Was all he got from Adam, he could see him swallowing up words.

“I missed you." He kept going, he needed it all out. His heart open just like Adam’s earlier that day.

“Mhmm." The second hum came out in a clear broken voice. The muscles of his face thigh, containing his emotions. Adam was giving him time to say what he wanted to.

So, Ronan went on, “I’ve thought about you every single day." Adam was laying on his back, eyes fixed on the ceiling, still as a statue. Again he gave the dreamer the same answer.

“Mhmm.”

“I - Wait, are you going to Mhmm everything I say now?” Ronan asked, with an amusement that didn’t belong to the situation. 

“Mhmm.” He looked at him then, tears eyes and smiling mouth. The light coming from the high window framed his handsome face, making Adam look goodly like. 

Ronan felt a knot at his throat, reality hit him. He was there, in Adam’s bed. They were a inch from touching, under the same covers. Under the same roof. In that moment even the World stopped both his movements, rotation and revolution, as if it was waiting for them as well. A spectator. The whole universe looked in their room, like at the cinema. Waiting for something to happen.

"Adam." Ronan finally said. 

“Mhmm?” A tear fell, anticipating what Ronan was about to say.

And who was Ronan to stop a climax? _No one ._

So he let it happen saying: “Tamquam.” 

Six years later he was saying that word for real. A word that he had forbid himself escaping even in his dreams. A word he had kept as a promise, a token to give to Adam when they’d met again. No matter what, he’d promised he would have.

Adam gave him a bright smile that said more than words ever would have. Ronan caressed Adam’s forehead and silently asked permission to scoot near him. Adam puffed and rolled his eyes. Soon they were tangled from head to toe. Ronan closed his eyes, thanking God for giving his sun back. When Adam’s soft snores signalled that he was asleep, Ronan kept studying his face. Adam had become even more handsome than he had been six years earlier. His body had changed as well: where during youth had been soft, adulthood had made him strong.

Ronan swore to attend Adam’s church everyday for the rest of his life. 

They had a lot to talk about, and even more to overcome. Doubts and hurt weren’t forgotten, nor were the choices that they had to make. Yet for that night, their love won. From that moment on, they had to keep fighting to win every other night of their lives. 

-

Adam woke up finding Declan perched upon his bed. He looked like a raven. Lying at Adam's side was Ronan; his arm braced around Adam’s torso and head nestled in his shoulder. The older Lynch gave Adam a knowing look, then he rolled his eyes for the second time in his life and said, “Did he come here without your consent?”

“No, I told him to come.” The third of Declan's eye rolls arrived then. “He told me about your threat. I tempted him.” Adam explained sheepishly.

“You’re supposed to be Adam, not Eve.” Now it was his time to roll his eyes.

“Really, Dec?” Asked him not amused at all. Ronan’s sleep seemed unbothered by their exchange.

“You’re lucky I’m making jokes. Listen, be careful all right? I don’t want you to get hurt again. But I must say this: if this the only way for you to get laid, fine by me! I don’t need to tell you what happens to your balls when…” 

Declan lecture was interrupted by Adam’s embarrassed plea, “Declan, holy… I swear!”

“When are you done chit-chatting, I was trying to enjoy my first sleep in six years.” Ronan spoke up, probably being woken up by Adam’s loud reply to Declan. He looked up at his brother without moving away from Adam’s body, head still laid on his shoulder.

“And I was trying to enjoy my life too, until yesterday!” Retorted back Declan in a mocking tone. There was no way to make the two stop picking up at each other. 

“And I- I’m trying to find a way not to kill you both!” Adam closed it in a remarkable authoritarian statement that left no room for any more banter.

“He started it!” both brothers said in unison.

“How old are you two? Three?” He scuffed Ronan’s head jokingly with the arm he had around him.

“Well, this three year old is going to work! If anything happens call me.” Declan said trying not to linger his gaze on the exchange he’d just witnessed.

“What the fuck should happen?” said Ronan shooting his brother a nasty look, at the same time Adam responded with an “Okay!” accompanied by a grateful smile. Declan acknowledged it and ignored his brother’s look. 

He made his way out of the room, turning a final time to warn Adam, “Goodbye! Use protection! I don’t want to become Uncle this young." That earned two loud grunts from both men in bed.

Adam, not wanting to hear what his lover could reply, said, “Oh God, no protection needed Declan. Nothing is gonna happen, for now.” The last part was more for Ronan than his brother. 

They had to sort things over, love confessions never solved problems magically.

“Never thought I'd say this, but you’re disappointing me Parrish. Don’t come for help when your balls fall off your body!” Declan said finishing the lecture he’d started. 

“What the fuck?" Exclaimed Ronan, incredulity all over his face. He looked up at Adam in search of answers. But he just gave Declan one of his bossy looks, that he’d learned since becoming a CEO, and asked him to leave “Declan go now, please! Have a good day.” The oldest Lynch winked at him and left the room.

As Declan went out, Ronan looked at his lover and said, “Since when you two talk about shit like that?” Then realising what happened, asked “Am I going to find him here every morning?”

“We really don’t talk about our sexual life. Not that much, anyway. When we do, it’s mostly about his relationships. There was nothing to say about me. And yes, sometimes he and Matthew would come in here to watch a movie and end up sleeping in here, as well." Adam confessed, it was strange to talk with Ronan about his brothers. 

“What?” He sat up suddenly, alarm written on his face. 

_The jealous prick_ , Adam thought. “Lynch! Don’t start with that bullshit again!” He warned.

“Oh, well." Ronan stopped and then started again, a mischievous grin appeared on his face... “You know what? I’ll dream us a baby, so then Declan will freak out!” 

_There you go_ , Adam thought exasperated, _old Ronan is back..._

“I've missed the times when you'd do things to annoy Declan, but a baby?” Adam sat up as well and laid his head on the headboard. 

“A baby that calls him Grandpa.” Ronan pressed. If anything they were both amused by the ridiculous turn their conversation had taken.

“And you brother.” Adam replied flicking on his nose.

Ronan grinned, then his eyes softened and almost shyly said, “I could dream one anyway, not just to annoy Declan.” Adam couldn’t believe he’d just dropped _that bomb_ in as if it was nothing major... _a baby._

 _Ronan Niall Lynch_ , Adam thought. _What a hurricane, he was!_

To say, Adam wasn’t even shocked. So he copied Ronan's Lynch style and shot back, “Marry me first, then maybe I would consider it!”

Apparently, having his own methods used against him worked pretty well, Ronan was indeed astonished by Adam’s words. Yet, he recovered fast and kept up the banter, “Never took you for a Southern girl, Parrish.”

Laughing Adam scooted closer and took Ronan’s legs pulling him in, now facing each other with their legs at each other’s side. Resting his elbow on one of Ronan’s knees, he tried to look very smug when he said,“You can take a girl out of Virginia but never Virginia out of a girl!” 

They both looked like teenagers, stupidly in love for the first time. It was different from where they’d left things six years prior, they had to rediscover each other once again. Shape their relationship in order to fit it with their new lives, but most importantly their lives had to remodel for their love. Both Adam and Ronan knew they had to put the other first without forgetting themselves. Both were willing to do it. Both didn’t want to live another day without the other, and that was the starting point for whatever came next.

“C’mon, let's have breakfast.” Adam said disentangling from the other man. Before standing up he squeezed his arm, smiling. 

“Adam." Ronan called, stopping him by taking his hand.

“Mhmm?” Adam said, amusement played at the corners of his mouth recalling the previous night.

“You absolute-” started Ronan entertained, before stopping and standing up levelling the other’s height. He took a deep breath and holding Adam’s eyes said “Tamquam!”

Adam leaned in, smile occupying his whole face. Then he hummed, “Mhmm.”

“I swear Parrish!" Ronan whispered, a prayer on his lips, as he leaned in as well so barely an inch divided them. 

Adam felt the other’s words touching his teeth as he opened his mouth to finally speak, “Alter Idem!” 

Ronan’s face lit up, head fogged with love. His heart exploding as the love of his life closed the gap between them. 

Their lips met for the first time after six years and everything in the universe took its rightful place.

Breakfast was soon forgotten, and bed welcomed them again. 

-

That morning, Adam finally made Declan proud, forgetting about his resolution to wait.

Adam Parrish, unlike many believed, was human after all.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos if you liked it ^^  
> Comments are very much appreciated as well, either good or bad ones.  
> Love Caere <3


End file.
